Hm....

The past week of fasting has been pretty tough.  I started getting tired of eating cold food (I was eating a lot of salads and such), I started to crave sweets A LOT, and I went out to eat a lot more, which sucked.  When Yasmin and David came into town, they wanted to go eat at Steak and Shake.  The only thing on the menu that I could have was the salad - not even the fun salads that they have, but the garden salad, probably with no dressing (sugar).  So I chose not to have anything at all.  Bad idea.  It took all my strength to not stick my face in the string fries and motor boat that sucker.  Mmm...fries...

On the upside, I did get to eat at J. Christopher's on Sunday.  Hooray!  Can I just tell you that I ate                  *e v e r y t h i n g* on my plate?  I had french toast, two sunnyside up eggs, a cup of grits (I added extra butter), bacon and three cups of coffee.  Oh, and I had half of Andrew's english muffin and some of Yasmin's bagel and lox.  Yes.  I gorged myself.  Definitely not my proudest moment.  And in reaction to all the caffeine and food, my body kinda wigged out.  I got super jittery from the coffee, and I couldn't even think about eating another bite of food for the rest of the day....that is, until Andrew decided he wanted New York style pizza from Brickhouse.  I mean, what do you expect me to do?  Not eat the gooey, cheesy, filled with pepperoni, thin crust perfection that is New York style pizza?  I had one slice, okay?  Geez...don't hate.

So after that episode, I told Andrew we couldn't go out to eat during the week anymore.  It's definitely been better.  Andrew made taco the other night and made a separate batch of taco "meat" for me with tempeh.  Have you ever had tempeh?  It's GROSS.  If seitan's anything like that, I don't want to eat that either.  Thank goodness the beans and the sauce covered up the taste.  I ate it with salsa, lettuce and corn tortillas.  Not bad.  Of course, I had to give Andrew the stink eye for flaunting his cheese and sour cream around me (okay, he wasn't flaunting, but he still used it in front of me).

I think part of the reason why I've been having all these cravings and thoughts of caving into the temptations is because I've kinda forgotten the reason for the fast.  I want answers.  I need to know what my path is.  It's not about the food, it's not about losing the weight, it's about getting spiritual guidance from God and seeing things clearly for the first time in a long time.  The past year has made me lose control of myself, and it's actually physically visible.  Hopefully by the end of this fast, I'll be back on track.

On a side note, I had this weird dream last night that I was running to Duluth.  I was actually running.  Like, not being chased or chasing after something.  I was doing it because I wanted to.  Maybe it's a sign.  But MAN, do I hate running...