Your Birthdate: January 17

You tend to find yourself lucky - both in business and in life.And while being wealthy is nice, you enjoy sharing your abundance with others.You put your luck to good use: you are very ambitious and goal oriented.Often times, you get over excited and take on more than you can manage. Your strength: Your ability to make your own luck Your weakness: Thinking you can do it all Your power color: Bronze Your power symbol: Half Moon Your power month: August

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Growing up really freakin' sucks. There are so many bills to pay, it's absolutely ridiculous. My birthday is next month, and you'd think that it's something to celebrate, right? Nooo, I have to pay car taxes. Over $400! AAAAARGHGHHHH...plus school loan, credit card, phone bill, car payment, insurance, parents...

You know what? I take back everything I said about relaxing in yesterday's entry. I'm stressed out.

I'm on break, but the past week hasn't felt like break. You know when you're in college, and you're on break, you basically sit on your ass for a month and do nothing but eat your mom's cooking and poop? Well, I've not been doing that at all, and that's not break. I've been baking, shopping, blah, blah, blah non-stop for a week. It's very stressful, and I was starting to hate Christmas. I wanted it to be OVER. And now that it is, I'm definitely more relaxed. I've been sleeping till 10am (which I NEVER do), I've been reading my books, watching TV, eating (waaay too much) and other not stressful things. YAY. BREAK. Don't be over...EVER.

Today, I hung out with mostly Bob and Andrew, but Vicki joined us for lunch at Yin Jing. It was good...but man, there was some serious MSG in the food. No wonder Bob likes it so much. Afterwards, we took him to the wonderful world of Super H Mart. He bought two gallons of kimchee and a pound of chili powder (he really doesn't want the bird flu). Then we went to Andrew's watched a movie and played this card game called Nerts (or somehting like that).

Andrew's graduation party is on Friday night. Y'all should all come. I'm making desserts.

Being Korean sucks when:

1. You can't get your point across while arguing with your parents because you're lacking in Korean and they're lacking in English.
2. They treat you like they own you, but they expect you to be a grown up and take on responsibilities (GOD, I HATE THAT ONE...DAMNIT!)
3. You can't live your life because of what you have to do for your family.
4. Your parents guilt you into doing stuff for them because they "sacrificed their lives in Korea to come to America, where they don't have any family and they don't know the language so that you can have a good education and better life."
5. The people at church get all up into your business, and your parents care so much that they make up shit to cover for your ass whenever you fuck up (WHY CAN'T THEY JUST DEAL WITH THE FACT THAT WE'RE NOT ALL PERFECT?).
6. You can't talk about the way you feel with your parents and if you show any emotions at all, they think you've gone mad, and their way of dealing with it is to say, "What's wrong with you?" as if they're offended by your behavior.
7. Even when your parents know you're completely right, and you know they're completely wrong, talking back is not allowed because it's disrespectful to do that to your parents.
8. Did I mention they treat me like a middle schooler that doesn't know anything?
9. They say, "Only if you did this or that, I really wouldn't say anything to you about when you go out late" or anything else they think is out of their control, even if you've done everything and anything that they'd expect you to do, like put yourself through school, make your own money, and even support others in the process.
10. They can't fucking get into their heads that you're a fucking grown up with a fucking job, and they can't fucking let go.

So yeah. That's that.

It's Wednesday. Christmas Eve is Saturday. I haven't done a bit of shopping. And I still have like, 12 cookie baskets to make for church. Boooo...

Yesterday, we had this whole birthday thing for Victor. We (Bart, Tanya, Shelley (Bart's sister), and I) took him to the aquarium, then we went out for Jcha-jchong mein, then we did a little (very little) shopping, then we went to Joe's for trivia. We got 3rd place! I think that's the first time I ever did trivia with a group that placed anything at Joe's. Anyways, Victor seemed to be having a good time. He had lots of different people there. It was a great mix of people, they were all super nice and talkive. Except for Armando. But I think he's just kinda like that.

Friends are good :) Even if it took a while to get to know them.

I think I'm having an identify crisis. It's rather late for one, isn't it? People usually go through the whole, "who am I" thing in high school and college. I guess I'm not really asking that specific question, but my beliefs and wants and needs are shifting, I think, and it's confusing me. What do I want with my life and how far am I willing to go to get it?

The Falcons got their ass kicked in last night. It was the most depressing game ever. By the end of the 3rd quarter, I couldn't watch. It was too painful.

I played in a wedding today up in Rabun Gap, GA. During the ceremony, I realized how serious getting married is, and I really don't think that I could ever do it. It seems too...grown up and serious. I know that I'm in a fairly serious relationship right now, I mean, it has lasted for more than 4 years, but I dunno. I just can't imagine getting married and having kids and driving them around in a minivan.

Maybe I'm afraid of change. Maybe I'm afraid of committment. Maybe I'm afraid to grow up. Maybe I'm really bad at letting go of things.

Is there something wrong with me?

My favorite thing about the holidays is seeing friends who come back home for it. And my second favorite thing is the fact that I don't have to go to school for two freakin' weeks. YAY~!!

Victor and I went to my co-worker's (George) Christmas party last night. Needless to say, it was weird seeing so many of the other teachers/administrators outside the school...I guess in a social gathering. I mean, it's one thing if we're eating lunch at school together, but at a party? I just don't think it works. We pretty much sat on the couch and kept to ourselves. They probably think I hate them now, which isn't true. It's just they're all so much older than I am, and I don't know any of them very well. Victor kept saying I'm super anti-social. Am I really that bad? I wasn't like this in college. Hmm...maybe being a middle school teacher isn't the best thing for my social life (ha...go figure).

What is it about weddings that gets people so worked up? I understand that it's the holy union of two people who love each other, but still...

I just spent the last two hours watching the wedding edition of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and cried for about half of it. The way he proposed, the ring, the church where they got married, the reception...it was all so beautiful and classy and elegant - it was perfect. And for about 10 seconds it made me think that I want a big, fancy fairytale kind of wedding.

I wonder if guys ever feel that way.

Last night, I saw Jump Little Children at Eddie's Attic for their acoustic show. It was really good. I can't believe they're not a band anymore. It really makes me sad to think that something that I've been chasing after, listening to, obsessing over for the last 7 years is now...well, not there anymore. SIGH.

It's been fairly crazy around here. I have gig after gig, Christmas presents to buy, students to teach, parties to attend, a concert to get ready for...I really can't wait till the 19th. That's when it's all over.

In case some of you guys, can't see what's at the top of the entry below, it says "You are 70% Boyish and 30% girlish."

Man...I think you might've been right, Vicki...I think I've been watching too much football.

You Are 70% Boyish and 30% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Thanksgiving's around the corner, and it means:

1) NO SCHOOL UNTIL NEXT WEEK
2) Cooking like a mad woman
3) Eating like a mad woman
4) Passing out on the couch, while watching football
5) Elbowing insane soccor moms at the mall during the day after Thanksgiving sale.

I'm thankful for all those things. Yay for Pilgrims and the Native Americans that introduced them to turkeys, corn and sweet potatoes!

I don't think this whole teaching thing is me. I don't feel like I'm good at it, I don't feel like I'm getting anything done, I don't feel like I'm having fun doing it. Not sure what I should be doing.

Today is Andrew and my 4 year anniversary. It sucks because we don't have the time or the money to really do anything with each other. I was really hoping to do something special, but oh well...maybe we can celebrate later when we both have some money, more importantly, time.

Last night, I had my first concert as a teacher (hmm...should I put that in quotes?). The sixth graders were really cute...they all came in costumes. This one boy came as Anna Nicole. Yeah...I didn't know what to think of that. It was pretty funny though. After the concert, Jen, JT, Andrew and I went out for dinner. We had a great time. That was probably the best double date Andrew and I have been on. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Jen's also Korean and JT is also white. Andrew and JT had a good ol' time making fun of Korean food. Jen and I had a good ol' time making fun of our white boyfriends.

I'm so forgetful. I don't understand why I forget things so easily. I had this whole list of things to do in my head, now it's gone...FOREVER. Argh.

ARRRRRRRRGGHHHH!!!

Whoops. I didn't mean to post just that.

Here's what happened this weekend:

1) Ross and Tiff got married! Crazy, isn't it? I mean, not the fact that they got married to each other, but the fact that they're married, and they're my age. What's with this "everybody get married NOW" thing? Y'all need to stop it, because it's making me feel really old.
Anyways, the wedding was nice, and the reception was also nice. It was at the Roswell Mill. It was my first experience there, and it was a good one. The centerpieces were very autumn, there were candles and twinkle lights everywhere. The food was awesome. The music...eh...the dj wasn't the best. The music kept stopping in the middle of a song...good thing it didn't do that during Ross and Tiff's dance.

2) A college buddy of mine had a "we just bought a grill and it's not hot as balls outside" barbeque at her and her husband's house. Again, what's with the getting married thing? AND they bought a house. Geez. Anyways, it was a nice little get together. It was nice to catch up with old friends (I can't believe I'm calling college friends "old friends"). The best part was the desserts. They had cake, cheesecake, ice cream, an ENORMOUS apple pie, more ice cream and ice cream. The apple pie was seriously huge. People kept looking at it, but they wouldn't eat it because they were afraid of it's size (see? Really big isn't always a good thing).

3) While shopping for Ross and Tiff's wedding presents, I rediscovered my love for William Sonoma. I can't stay away from that store. I've been in there twice in the past week. I'm on their mailing list and emailing list. I want to buy everything in that store...or live there. Andrew Kang and I walked around the one at the Avenue for about an hour, and finally I broke down and bought a jelly roll pan. YAY! And just to let y'all know, all of y'all are getting jelly roll cakes for Christmas.

4) Julius Jones got hurt and didn't play at all in yesterday's game. Booo...I need a new running back. Any suggestions?

What's with all the spam? And how do I get rid of them??

So my trip was pretty nice. We went to Salem (yes, the witch place), and they really played up the whole thing. You know how the whole witch hunt was about a bunch of girls who were bored and kinda rebelling against what they're expected to do as good Puritan girls, and they were making false accusations at people who weren't really witches? Well, you wouldn't be able to tell by the Salem Witch Museum that there weren't really witches. I went into the gift shop, and EVERYTHING had at least one witch or something demonic on it. Don't get me wrong, I really liked the gift shop. They had a lot of neat stuff in there, but still...aren't the deaths of 19 (I think) innocent people kinda...sad? I mean, when we took the tour and all, they explained that there weren't really witches in Salem at the time, and tried to put a good name to "witches" (old and modern), but they really played up the whole witch trial thing in the gift shop.

Alright, enough of my bitching.

We left Salem for lunch (I think we might've stayed there for lunch if it wasn't raining and muggy. It would've been so much fun if it hadn't rained, because the town was supposed to have this "Family Fun Day" or something, but it got rained out. The sign at the entrance to the park said, "Family Fun Day Cancelled." That was sad). Guess what we had for lunch...that's right! PHO. Mmm...I love pho. After that, we went to the New England Aquarium, which wasn't all that impressive. But it was only $20 for the aquarium and the IMAX...not a bad deal. After viewing the aquarium (which only took like, 45 minutes, plus there were TONS of people there so it was hot and stuffy in there), we had an hour and a half to kill before the showing of our IMAX movie. Eric's sister (Crystal) was dying for a cup of coffee, so we went to Fanueil Hall for Starbucks.

Then we went to the IMAX. Remember when I said something about the weather being rainy and muggy? Well, we went into the IMAX with that exact weather. When we came out, it was about 30 degrees cooler and still rainy, which was bad because Crystal didn't bring a jacket or an umbrella, and I was wearing my green moccasains, which were getting more and more wet (my shoes ended up dying my toes green).

Then I came home. The End.

I'm in Boston right now, sitting in Eric's apartment. I have to add that this apartment is a SIGNIFICANT improvement from the last one, not that the last one was bad. It was just really tiny.

Anyways, Eric and I walked about the city today...I really like it here. It's a big city, but it's not really dirty or scary. There are so many residential areas in the city. A lot of the houses here go right out to the street. I don't think they believe in yards....or lanes. There are a bunch of places here where there are no lanes. They especially don't believe in lanes where one street merges with another. It's like they said, "eh...whatever. They'll figure it out."

We went to Fanueil Hall and the Quincy Market. That area is sooo awesome. We had lunch in the market, and of course, I had to have New England Clam Chowder (or Chow-DA). They don't kid around with that stuff here...they mean it when they say they're the best. After the chowder and salad, Eric sought out the cheesecake that he had his eyes on, and I got a cream puff pastry from shop that only make cream puff pastries (so you know it has to be good). Ahh...food...I love food.

Another thing I like about the city is that there's a bunch of historical stuff spread out all over. We saw a lot of statues, the Holocost memorial, cemetries...and the buildings are really old. They have so much character...it really puts Atlanta buildings to shame.

Okay, I'm tired of writing. I'll fill you in later.

I came home today after having dinner with Natascha, Victor and Andrew, and my mom called me into her room. She said, "People think that now that you have a job, that things are better at home. They think that now that you make money, you support us." She had this smirk on her face while she was saying this. What she said put me in a bad mood, and I said, "What, do you expect me to do that now that people think that?" And she said, "No, that's your choice. They're just Korean, and that's just the Korean way of doing things." And I thought that was the end of that conversation.

Well, apparently not. She woke up about half an hour ago to tell me to leave the bed in my room. I told her that I would buy a futon for that room. She kept arguing that it would be too small if guests ever came, and how do I expect guests and my grandparents (if they ever come here) to sleep on a futon. That's when the argument started. She was saying stuff about how they don't understand why I'm moving out, especially to a place that's farther from work. She said that I'm wasting money, and if I understood even the slightest bit of what they're going through right now and how they feel, I would stay home and support them. And then she accused me of moving out to live with Andrew.

I don't understand her, I don't understand my parents, I hate being Korean.

I think Fantasy Football is way too addictive.

Kenneh's leaving for California this Saturday. It's sad...we've known each other for sooo long. There are lots of memories. I really hope you find something out there, Kenneh.

Andrew and I went to see Lord of War today. We were able to see it during the day because Sonny Perdue closed almost all public schools yesterday and today to save gasoline. Hmm...

Anyways, the movie made me think about a lot of things that I know goes on in the world but don't and don't want to think about. It was basically about weapons and how distructive they are, who sells them, who buys them, and the people whose lives are cut short because of them. It was depressing. I was thinking that the movie would have more action than drama. I mean, it's good to be reminded of what's really going on in the world once in a while, but to sit through 2 hours of it, it was a little too much for me. It really makes me not want to have children. It makes me realize even more that adopting would be the better choice. I don't want to bring an innocent life into this fucked up world, and by adopting, I can take a child that is in a bad situation out of it, and give them a fair chance at life. Or maybe I'll just convert and be a nun.

After the movie, Andrew and I went to Barnes and Nobles. I spent $20 on cooking magazines. Isn't that sad? Can someone just get me subscriptions to a couple of these? Or you could send me to culinary school (see? I'm not THAT manly...).

I'm sitting here, waiting for my fantasy football points to show up...it's sooo slow! And no, just because I like fast cars and watching football doesn't make me a man. Arrrgh...remind me to never do this again.

I was going to write a piece called "Ode to my Left Foot," but something went wrong with my computer and it got erased. I'm not going to bother trying to remember what I wrote. It was beautiful, let me tell ya...with all that my left foot has suffered in the past week, I think it deserved a dedication like that.

Anyways, I went wedding dress shopping with Natascha and my new friend, Caroline, last Saturday (Caroline's James's new girlfriend...she's cool). Let me tell ya, I'm never doing that again...wedding dress shopping, I mean. Here are my reasons why:

1) There were too many dresses to look at, and half of them were UGLY. And then there was this whole thing about, "to train or not to train? to bustle or to detach? straps or no straps? sweetheart neckline?" BLEH.
2) They weighed about 40 lbs each. Why the hell do they have to weigh so much? I'll tell you why. Because there are layers upon layers of shit that you have to wear underneath the actual dress. First you have to put on a corset, and then this weird looking under skirt thingy, and THEN the 40 pound dress over that. How can anyone get around in something like that? I think that if a girl has to go through something like that, the guy should too. Either he wears a dress like that also, or he wears that thing that knights wore back in the day.
3) They're ass expensive. The dresses that Natascha was looking at were like, $900-ish. Almost a grand for something you only wear once?? Oh, hellllll no, bitch. And then the owner guy came by with a tiara that went with the dress. Guess how much that bitch cost - TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLAS. I was like, "Umm...is this real? Because it better be for $250." I mean, daaaamn.

So after that experience, I told Andrew that I was going to order my wedding dress online, and he freaked. I told him that I don't understand why girls care so freakin' much and spend so much money on a dress that they're only going to wear once, when they could be spending it on the reception. I'd much rather have a nice reception site with awesome decorations, good music, an open bar and a kick ass menu for my guests than a Cinderella dress that weighs and costs a ton. He said, "You want to look good on your wedding day, don't you? You're only going to get married once. Besides, you shouldn't care so much about the money. It's something that the bride and groom deal with once they're married." Eh...I'd rather not worry about paying off my wedding after I get married. I mean, I guess buying a dress online would be a little out there, and I probably won't do that, but I'm definitely not going to spend a fortune on a dress, and it's definitely not going to weigh 40 pounds.

Anyways, wedding stuff have been on my mind for the past few weeks, mostly because of Natascha and Tiffany (she's getting married in less than a month! I can't believe it!). It seems like everywhere I go, I hear news about someone else that I know or knew in high school getting engaged or married. It's a bit crazy, really...to think that we're at that age. I honestly can't imagine myself married or engaged anytime soon. Besides...from what I've experienced through my friends, weddings are a big pain in the ass. And I don't need anymore big pains in the ass...work is enough.

Here's a couple things:

1) Chelsea, Dorothy, Barbara, Amanda, Kimberly and I had girls night. It was like, the first time we had done something like that since high school. It was FUN. We ate pho (mmm...pho), then we went to Kroger. Kroger was interesting. After watching Dorothy and Kimberly do the three legged race down the meat section (which involved Kimberly first chasing Dorothy with two plastic bags from the produce section, finally catching her, and then tying their legs together[hehe...you should've seen the look on Dorothy's face...but surprisingly, she didn't resist]), we ventured into the unknown. At first, we were looking for anything. And then, once we got to the frozen dessert section, Kimberly had to bust out the nutritional value of something, and everyone FREAKED. 350 calories and 48 grams of fat in a slice of what?? Oh helllll, no. But in the end, we got 1/2 fat French Silk from Edy's (which we pretty much killed after we got back to Amanda's).
We stayed up till 5am painting nails, talking, putting on Mint Julep face masks and playing poker (I won! I cleaned almost everyone out while giving myself a french manicure[that shit's hard...hats off to all those asian women in the nail business]). It was fun! Yay for girls night!

2) Emeril made something called "red eye gravy" the other day. It's called red eye because it's base is coffee. Ew. It "made me hurt on the inside" as Andrew would say.

3) Natascha is getting married FO REALS. I went over to her place yesterday, because we hadn't seen each other in forever, and...sigh...she dragged me to Inserection. She dragged me to a porn shop where promptly made friends with the cashier, and he gave us free batteries. Only Natascha...

4) Tiffany and Ross are getting married next month! WOW. Why are all you bitches getting married? Makes me feel old or something. She was telling me this morning about how she's a little bit nervous about saying the vows. She said that she's afraid that one of her older relatives might loudly comment about how they can't hear them saying the vows. Hehe...that's something that'll most likely happen when Andrew gets married. I can totally see his grandfather saying, "WHAAT?? What's she saying?! I can't hear what she's saying!" in the middle of the vows. Maybe they can use a microphone or something...

5) Cobb salads are the worst salads in the world.

The End! Shank you bery mu-chee! You come back and reed, okay-ee?

Basically, all I've been doing these days is teaching. I teach, then I teach somemore. I also complain a lot, but that's allowed, right? I mean, I do teach middle school, and it's not the easiest situation I have there, if you know what I mean (and those of you that I've bitched to, really DO know what I mean). I've been stressed out and all that, mostly because I thought I was gonna lose my job or something because our numbers suck. But thankfully, I got a contract, and Gwinnett is stuck with me for a year, whether they like it or not. MUHAHAHAHA...

I've caught a cold from the children. My head is all fuzzy and I feel tingly all over. I think it's getting worse.

School's started. It's been four days. The school's great - the faculty, the staff, the students, the facility...the only thing that I'd really complain about is...well, I won't say. The people who I've talked to, know exactly what I'm talking about. Anyways, it's not always bad.

Victor's left me...AGAIN. Geez, I know I complain a lot, but do you HAVE to keep leaving? Oh well...you'll come back when you've lost all your toes from frostbite, and your snot freezes over. Hehehe...no, really though, you know I'll miss you...mostly because you're the only person that'll go eat Pho with me ;)

Yesterday, we went to the Braves vs. Pirates game. It was a great game. Braves won, of course. Afterwards, we went to eat at the Bucketshop. That's when my headache got worse. I'd had a headache all day, but I took some stuff to make it a little better. It got worse because I didn't have anything to take with me, nor did anyone else that I was with. I felt like shit. The drive home was so bad. I was supposed to drive Dorothy home, but I couldn't. I felt like I was going to vomit at any moment, my head was spinning, and every time we passed a street light or another car, the light would make my head feel worse. I feel like a bad friend, but I had to ask if her parents could pick her up from my house. I felt soo bad about that.
As soon as I got home, I threw off my clothes and laid in bed. I couldn't go to sleep. My head was hurting too much. After about half an hour, I fell asleep. It was the WORST THING EVER. The thing is, I don't know what's causing it. Some people say stress, others say lack of sleep...I mean, I have been a little stressed and haven't been sleeping well, but I've not had a headache like this before. Don't ever get a headache like that...I wouldn't recommend it.

I had my first new teacher orientation today. It was mostly boring and redundant. I fell asleep about ten times because 1. it was boring 2. I was (and still am) running on 4 hours of sleep. I kept tossing and turning last night. When I finally fell asleep, I had this nightmare about teaching at Pinckneyville, and the world was being taken over by diseased reptiles (I think the last part is from last night or whenever, when Dorothy told me about how there are shops in China or Taiwan where there are tanks full of snakes, and you just got up to one and tell them which snake you want, then they bleed the snake, you take a shot of it's blood, and then they cook the snake for you...so yeah, you can see how that story can be a little tramatizing).

Anyways, here's the saddest part of my day, besides the fact that I started my period. I saw a teacher of mine from high school (I won't say who). He was THE worst teacher I've ever had (yes, he's white so he speaks English fluently). Anyways, I saw him at my new teacher orientation thing, which probably means that he's a new employee of Gwinnett County like me. Yeah, that seriously wowed me. I can't believe that such a terrible teacher could get hired...TWICE. And for this one session that I went to, the speaker was talking about things you shouldn't do or say as a teacher (it was a session about legal and ethical issues in teaching), and he had these quotes from a teacher: "You look good in skirts...you should wear them more often," and "I like it when you wear tight sweaters." Yes, those were really said by a real teacher. The speaker went on to say how people like that shouldn't teach, and the first person that came to mind is that teacher that I saw. He's EXACTLY like that. AND HE FREAKIN' GOT HIRED...AGAIN. I wanted to go up to him to see if he recognizes me. I would've asked him what subject he was teaching. Then I would've thrown up on him. The End.

I just finished the sixth Harry Potter book, and I have to say that I'm a little disappointed. I guess I'd expected a little more from the author. I think she's running out of stuff to write about. Why can't she make the story interesting without killing off important characters? And the whole "love story" with Harry and...that girl. It's a little ridiculous to think that barely teenagers can be THAT mature about their "relationships." Towards the end of the book, I was ready to put the book down, especially during you-know-who's funeral. That whole thing with Harry and...that girl was sickening. I wanted to throw up. I mean, how Spiderman...

Aside from the ending and all that, I thought that the book lack a few things, like the Order of Phoenix. What the heck? They were like the meat of the story last time, it's like Rowling totally forgot about it this time. Did I miss something? Because I could've missed something. The way the students are portrayed in the book kinda bothered me, too. When did they grow up so fast? All of a sudden, they're swearing all over the place and practically having sex. In the last couple books, they were running around looking for clues and things, not ASS.

I guess I shouldn't be too disappointed. For all I know, she's setting all of this up for the seventh book. Hopefully, she takes time with that one and writes it well. I mean, it's not the readers' fault that we want to read more. SHE'S the one that said there will be seven books.

Tonight's the night. It's what I've been waiting for for years. HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOODED PRINCE comes out TONIGHT! Hell yeah, bitches...and don't even try to contact me for the next three days. Except on Sunday. That's because Sunday is National Ice Cream Day. That's right...ice cream. Other than that, LEAVE ME ALONE...I'm busy.

I just had a "discussion" with my parents about moving out. Actually, it wasn't supposed to be a discussion about me moving out. It was supposed to be me telling my parents that I've decided to stay at home until December so that I can save money to send them to Korea in the spring. Here's my dad's reaction: "....and what are you going to do after December? Why do you have to move out? How much longer do you think you have to live with us in this house? Soon you'll be married, and after that, you wouldn't be able to live with us even if you wanted to. You need to live here until you get married." Yeah...nothing about my noble efforts to buy my parents airfare to Korea to see their family, whom they haven't seen in almost 20 years. So yes...it blew up into this whole thing about why they don't think I should move out, except they never really told me the reasons why. If they need me, why can't they just come out and say it?

I can't believe London got hit.

I went to IKEA today. Man...that place is sooo huge, I honestly didn't know where to begin. I thought they could've done a better job of organizing the place. I felt like I was at Costo or Sams or something. Eek.

I'm debating whether I should move out or not. I'm kinda feeling pressure from Andrew and my parents. Andrew really wants us to move in together, and I have mixed feelings about that. It would be nice to do it, but at the same time, I feel like that's something that needs to be saved for marriage. Isn't living together part of the excitment of being married? He says that the only way that he can move out is if he moves in with me. Talk about pressure.

I've been out of town all week. On Tuesday, my sister and I went up to G-town, NC to see my dear friend, Dena. It was nice to see her again...the last time I saw her was right after Christmas, so it'd been awhile. What's REALLY crazy is that on Wednesday night, we went out to dinner with a friend that I hadn't seen in nearly a decade. It really was nice to see him again. It's funny how even after so long, it's like things haven't changed. I mean, our priorities have changes and we have more things to worry about, but that's about it. But I do have to admit, he looks better now. He used to have longish hair. Boys shouldn't have long hair.

On Thursday, I left Dena and company for the beach. I met up with Andrew and the entire Sedlack family at Pawlie's Island. It was nice...I wasn't really in the beachy mood this week. Mainly because I had my period, but for other (stupid) reasons. Why can't I just loosen up and have a good time? Well, I guess in the end I did have a good time...how could I not? I was with a bunch of Sedlacks - they know how to have a good time.

I saw something disturbing not too long ago. I saw a Rolex ad i Gormet Magazine that had Yo Yo Ma in it...is he allowed to do mainstream ads like that? I feel like he's selling out or something.

I just got back from the Chamber Music Weekend thingie up in Collegedale, TN. It was interesting. The whole thing is run by Seventh Day Adventists, so Andrew Kang and I had meat twice during the three days. They are generally very conservative people, so I couldn't "express" myself the way I usually do. I played lots of chamber music that I had not played before. Here's a few that I really liked: Mendelssohn piano trio, Brahms and Dvorak viola quintets, Borodin quartet and Faure piano quartet (sorry, I don't remember the numbers for them). The thing that surprised me the most about this weekend was my improvement in sight-reading. I don't remember sight reading as well as I did this weekend...or maybe everyone around just sucked (I kid, I kid).

Anyways, my parents are very, very close to selling the restuarant. The only thing that's keeping it from being bought is the wording of something in the contract. Man, I feel like this process has been way too complicated. The people that are wanting to buy are being so demanding and sometimes unreasonable. Geez...

Wow..I'm tired.

So here are a couple things that happened this week:

1) I house-sat for Cathie (my co-op from student teaching). It was interesting because I don't really consider myself great with animals, and I had to animal-sit as well (she has two cats and two dogs). She has a pool, but it was too cold to go swimming, and just being there without my parents and my sister was really nice.

2) My parents sold the restuarant. Yay!! This is (kinda) what we've been praying for years. I'm so happy for them. Now, we just have to find something else they can do to bring in money.

3) Andrew's friends, Rachel and Minho, got married (to each other). I missed the wedding because I had to take the stupid Praxis (again), and I got to the reception just in time to see them drive off. So basically, I got all dressed up for nothing. I wore my little black dress to take the damn test and everything. But that night, I got to see them because all the groomsmen and the couple went to Jillians to bowl and drink. Yeah, Andrew's friends drink a lot. Two of them got so drunk that they peed on a wall outside of Jillards, and one of them got arrested for not signing the papers for the citation that they got. Isn't that lovely? Those assholes at Jillians...I'm never going back.

4) I took the Praxis (again). Just the lesson plan part. It was MUCH better than last time. Hopefully I passed, and I don't have to spend another $90 to take the damn thing.

I feel like a great big blob. I need activity in my life, not that I've been sitting on my ass all day. I've been working out and stuff. Little Andrew, Eric and I went to climb Stone Mountain this week...but I still feel like a blob. Why do I have to be so blobby?

Anyways, yesterday was Eric Salas' going away party. I need to get him something, but it's really hard to decide what. I want to get him something meaningful, but I can't think of anything. I don't have a camera, so it's not like I have a bunch of pictures or whatever...hmm...any suggestions?

So for the past couple days, I've been thinking about way too much. It's not that I'm making myself think about those things. I can't help it. There really is too much to think about. And I think the stress of all this is weighing me down. It's making me cranky, it's killing any sort of confidence I had in myself, I feel like ass emotionally and physically...I need something to take it out on. I feel like a great blob. I feel like I can't control anything.

Dorothy and I are going to St. Louis next week to see Yasmin. That should be exciting. I haven't seen her in years. Plus, I'll be going back to my beloved Arch. Oh, Arch...you are sooooo the Gateway to the West...

Recently, I posted this thing about the Pope on Vicki's discussion forum, and it totally blew up. This Catholic dude completely attacked me. How rude. He called me ignorant for expressing how I feel about the way a lot of Catholics seem to view the Pope. It's an outsider's point of view, and I don't think it's totally wrong.

I really do wish that Christianity could be stripped of all stupid ritual things and more focused on why we go to church. I think it's stupid that there are different denomonations and that there are so many differences between them. Aren't we all there for the same reason? And do you really think that God is going to prefer one over the other? That's the thing about Catholics. Why do they have so many rituals? Why have saints, and why pray to them? They're not the ones to be worshipped. Why have the Pope? Why have confession when you can pray and confess your sins to the Big Man himself?

I've asked all those questions to Andrew so many times (he's Catholic), and he's tried to explain, but I still don't understand. If Catholics can't give straight answers for all those things they do, how can an outsider not think that way?

That day has finally come. The end of a major chapter in my life. I can't believe it's actually happening. Here are a couple flashbacks:

First year:
1. Running around downtown Atlanta in 95 degree weather on the first day of school makes me all wet (from sweating and crying, ya nasty).

2. I meet my first friend at GSU in remedial theory and convince her to get on the twirly thingie, where she loses everything in her pockets.

3. I fall in love with classical guitarists.

4. I finally feel okay about being at GSU.

Second year:
1. I find out that I lost the HOPE and cry all day.

2. I find out that those bitches at Financial Aid were lying to me (bitches).

3. I see a freshmen in theory class sleeping so I throw paper at his head...he smiles at me.

4. The freshmen and I start dating.

5. I fall in love.

Third year:
1. All my friends graduate...I have to make new ones.

2. I give a junior recital with my homeboy, Ray.

3. The best conductor I've ever had announces that he's leaving at the end of the year.

4. I take viola lessons.

Fourth year:
1. Everybody freakin' left!

2. The new conductor's an ass.

3. I become concertmaster by default.

4. A new Korean dude is my standpartner, and it takes him 4 months to talk to me...he turns out to be pretty cool, and the fantasy of every girl and guy in the orchestra.

5. Intersting drama between a friend and a teacher.

6. I give a senior recital...it was okay.

Fifth year:
1. Part time student teaching is okay...I kinda like it.

2. Full time student teaching is a little more difficult.

3. I meet a white man who can shake his ass like Beyonce.

4. I make a lot of cool friends from senior seminar.

5. Exploring the world of Kohn changes my philosophies on teaching completely.

6. GRADUATION DAY, BITCHES!!

Okay, so that's about it. It's kinda freaking me out that I'm done...like completely. Well, I guess getting my masters will put me back into school, but for the next year, I'm done. I'M DONE!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

There are certain things that I just absolutely LOVE about student teaching....more to come, soon.

Tomorrow is a testing day for us at Norcross HS. That means that we don't have a regular day - we don't see our first class until 10:30. Good news, right? Well, around 3rd period, James came into tell us that he's not coming in until 10:15 tomorrow, and then Ms. Hudnall decided that she doesn't want to come in at all. She didn't tell me in a nice way either. She said, "You have to relieve two teachers during testing tomorrow because you're the only one here until James gets in. I'm not coming in at all." Yeah, that's fair. I'm not even supposed to be alone with the students. It's against the law. Anyways, I'll be here from 7am to 10:30 with nothing to do. Someone come to visit...I need the company.

My tummy hurts...I think that little piece of dark chocolate that I ate doesn't like it in my tummy.

I've decided to take down that last entry...it was depressing me.

These past couple days HAVE been exhausting. This whole week's been stupid. There aren't enough hours in a day.

So let's start from the beginning. Monday wasn't good. I kept thinking about things. My heart kept jumping. It wasn't just one particular thing, it was more like everything that's been on my mind kinda blew up in my head, and it was finally taking a phyical toll on me. I didn't get to sleep until 3am that night, which really sucked because I had to get up 2 hours later. So needless to say, Tuesday nor Wednesday were good days.

On Tuesday, after getting only 2 hours of sleep, it was GO GO GO GO GO. After school I had to get my taxed done, then I studied for a couple hours at Barnes & Nobles at Pleasanthill, then I headed up to Gainesville for a rehearsal. The rehearsal was good...it just went till 10:30pm, and I didn't get home until 11:30. That sucked.

Wednesday was my hardest day because the lack of sleep had finally caught up with me. I looked and felt like hell.

Yesterday was my first interview for a job. It was at Duluth Middle School. The teachers there seem very nice, and they really liked the fact that I speak Korean. Apparently, they have a lot of Korean students in the orchestra program (surprise, surprise). Anyways, the interview went okay. I'm not sure if I'll get hired...we'll see.

After the interview, I headed downtown for class. It was the usual class - people talking too much, interrupting each other. One thing did surprise me though - Dr. Haston actually shushed someone yesterday. He NEVER does that. He must have be getting really fed up with us or something. We only have two classes left...that kinda makes me sad.

After class, I went to the Wind Ensemble concert. It was great, as usual. Dr. Ambrose is absolutely amazing. I don't know how he does it. When he came to GSU, the Wind Emsemble was falling apart because the previous conductor was really bad. But now, after five years, the band's better than the orchestra. It's inspiring...almost makes me wanna teach or something.

The concert was followed by the usual - El Azteca...ahh, the risk of losing your life to follow a band tradition. And yes, some has actually died from eating there. Only one person...that's not that bad, right? Anyways, Andrew and I sat with Siraj and Stephen, and we all shared a pitcher of margarita. Oooh yeah...I needed that. I've come to the realization that taquilla gets me tipsy faster than anything else. After two I was, not drunk, but...warm and fuzzy. I had fun. Stephen and Siraj are so funny - they made us laugh a lot.

The drive home from El Azteca was interesting. Yes, I remember the conversation that I had last night. I'm still trying to decide if I would've had the nerve to say some of the stuff I said last night if I hadn't been drinking...actually, I think it would've happened anyway. Doesn't mean it was the smart thing to do. I feel like I'm risking something that is most important to me to make myself "feel better." And there's no one to blame this on, but myself. Am I an idiot?

Right now, I'm at school. Both my teachers are on the trip with the Philharmonic class, so I'm left here with the rest of them. I have planning until 12pm. SIGH...boredom...hey, anyone wanna come visit?

Too many things...ulcers are inevitable.

This week has been most interesting. The juniors are taking the Georgia Graduation Test, so our schedule is all messed up, which is FINE WITH ME. We've seen first and second period only once this week, and fifth everyday, which is great because they're a really good group. Tomorrow we see first period again, and Friday is a normal day, but I might be going to a job fair or something in Dekalb. We'll see, I suppose.

I found out today that Andrew has to take summer school. That's sad news...I really wanted to travel this summer. I wanted to take a road trip up north somewhere. SIGH...he says we can wait till next summer when he has time, too. Well, I'm not sure if I can wait that long. I'm graduating this May, and I wanna go on a trip THIS summer. I'd go with other people, but I know it wouldn't be the same. I'm going to the beach without Andrew this Spring Break, and it kinda feels weird. I wish he was coming, too. And he hasn't really traveled much. I think it'd be good for him to see other places.

The other day, a piece that we played in All-State one year came on the radio. It made me think about high school and stuff. Life was fairly simple back then. I honestly don't think that kids these days realize how good they have it right now. They're so angry all the time...why are they so angry? Vicki says that I was always angry when we were in high school. Hm...what was I so angry about?

There was something really deep and interesting that I wanted to say...but I forget.

Okay, I'm back.

Anyways, I got home super late after the recital on Thursday and didn't get much sleep that night because I was having nightmares about the happenings of that day. But it wasn't that bad. The students performed very well, they received all ONEs.

Everyone's getting married. Andrew and I have like 4 weddings to go to in the next year. I think it's kinda crazy how people so young are getting married so soon.

I might've found a place for us to stay during Spring Break. Hopefully, I can get out of my Thursday night class. Otherwise, i'm gonna have to look for another place. I'm sooo excited about Spring Break. Not having to wake up at 5:30am will be heaven.

We had Festival for al three of our orchestra groups this past Friday. It's the thing that I've been having nightmares about. The night before Festival, Kenneth had his senior composition recital, and I was performing that piece that he wrote for me for my senior recital. I was super nervous about playing because I hadn't played in so long and I didn't really feel all that comfortable about the rehearsal that Riza and I had the weekend before. Oops, there's the bell....gotta go.

Today's a teacher work day. Usually, that's a good thing. Today, it's not because I'm stuck here at school with nothing to do. Why did they even ask us to come today? It's not like we can help them with any of their work, and we definitely don't have anything that we need to be doing here. I really wish I didn't have to come today. Even though I didn't have to be here quite so early, I still had to go to bed at a decent time so I wouldn't feel like ass when I woke up this morning. David, Dorothy and Andrew came over last night, and I had to abandon them in the middle of a movie because I had to go to bed. ARRRGH....

Everybody go look at the pictures that Victor took of Barbara. They're super! Especially the candid shots.

I can't take it anymore. I can't stand being here everyday for hours and hours. I can't stand the kids, I can't stand anything about this place. Everytime I wake up in the morning, I feel like ass. I have a constant headache. The the end of the day, my head is throbbing. Last night, I couldn't sleep because I was feeling so bad. My headache had turned into a migrain and my heart started beating really fast. Can I be burned out already or am I just not meant to be a teacher? What am I gonna do for the rest of my life if what I've been training to do isn't the right thing?

Ms. Hudnall's been gone for the past two days due to a relative's medical condition. I heard that everything went well, and we're expecting her back on Friday. Yay.

I had a talk with Kimberly last night. She seems a little down...which is fine, considering everything she's been through in the past year. There have been some dramatic changes in her life. I guess she's just not used to feeling that way. She's usually very up-beat and optimistic about life. I told her it's okay to feel that way sometimes. It's not out of the ordinary. It's not like she's about to jump off the roof of her building, wishing a plague on the world as she's going down. I hope everything I told her helped in the slightest.

We talked about a couple other things. I think there are a few things in my life that I really need to re-evaluate. I can feel it...the winds are already starting to shift. Some major changes are going to occur in the near future...I just wish I knew what the consequences of my actions will be...

Here I am at school...again. Na's sitting at the other desk, eating cup ramen. She says it doesn't taste good. Apparently, Asian people should be the most over weight people in the world, because one cup of ramen contains 500 calories, 37 grams of carbs, 1839 grams of sodium and 16 grams of fat. Yeah...so how come so many Asians are skinny as hell? And what's wrong with me? It's not like I eat that shit everyday like some people. Why do I have to be all fat and stuff? Sigh...
Anyways, Mr. Cobos didn't show for half the day. It sucked. We were expecting him to come and teach the classes, so we weren't prepared at all. Argh...frustration....

I'm at school right now. We just watched this video about the African Sanctus by this English dude. It was interesting for awhile, but then it got boring. Eh...

Hey, I wanna cook tonight. People should come over.

Last night we had this dinner thing. We made tomato soup, grilled cheese sandwiches and potato chips. The soup wasn't that great, the sandwiches got cold, and the chips were way too oily. Despite all that, everyone was pretty nice about the whole thing. It was actually a little experiment for my parents' restaurant. We were trying it out to see if it'd be good enough to put on the menu....they didn't say anything about adding it in last night. Oh well.

I enjoyed my time with the people who were over last night. I was surrounded by three of my favorite people. Kimberly, Victor and Andrew came over. Kim and Vicki got along great. Vicki ran around taking pictures, and Kim was just kinda awed by the cooking, I think. Andrew came a bit later, and I think he had a good time too. He was a little headachey last night, but he came over anyway. He's so sweet :)

Lately, I've been wondering what I should be doing with my life. The more and more I think about it, the more I don't want to be an orchestra teacher. I think I'd be a pretty good orchestra teacher, but the stress...the kids...it's too much. Maybe I shouldn't give it up too fast. I should give it a chance, right? Of course there's the issue of actually getting a job after I've graduated. Hmm...

I want a digital camera! ARRRGH!!

Right now, I'm in a severely pissy mood. My back hurts, my head hurts, I'm bloated and I have cramps. On top of that, my mother's being a complete bitch about her birthday. Geez...why's she gotta be such a fucking baby about everything? It's like I'm the adult around here.

Tonight's the Pre-Festival concert for the orchestra that I'm student teaching at. Most of it is going to sound like...something. Some of it is gonna sound pretty good. I'll be conducting the Barber of Seville with the Symphonic orchestra. We're the last group to perform for the evening, and Barber of Seville's the last piece. That'll be exciting, I'm sure.

Lately, I've been feeling more and more like a slave at school. I feel like the work that I do around here mostly doesn't have anything to do with teaching. I don't really feel like I'm learning much about teaching...it's more like bitch work. Na (the other student teacher) and I spend most of our days doing bitch work for the orchestra directors. It sucks. I'm starting to re-think this whole music thing.

I'm sick. My nose is all runny and I sound like a man.

Tonight I went out with Miles and Naveen for some pho. It was nice to see them again. I never realized exactly how much those two talked. Why didn't I ever tell them to shut up in high school? I was a bigger bitch back then. Maybe I had a higher tolerance for nerdy conversation (ehehehe).

I tried to make cheesecake today. I substituted sugar with Splenda. Needless to say, it was ruined. It tasted like ass. Salty, nasty ass.

I hate watching the State of the Union...why they gotta stand up and clap every 5 sentences the President says? Not everything he says deserves a standing ovation. I mean, I feel like I'm at one of those middle school band and/or orchestra performances where the parents are so proud of their kids, that no matter how much the performance sucks, they're going to give a standing ovation. Hmm...it's the Republicans' way of saying, "Well, no matter what he comes out of his Texas-frat boy-fightin' daddy's war mouth, he's our guy and we're sticking with him....until we can put someone a little less worse in the White House."

It's really stupid cold outside right now. It's all windy and stuff. I wish I had an electric blanket or something. Actually, I wish more that it would snow outside...and I wish EVEN MORE for the Falcons to win this afternoon. Poor Falcons...they have to be outside for the game...unless the Eagles have an indoor stadium. Either way, I hope they win.

Anyways, the other night I went out with Vicki. It was nice. He said that I was being all quiet and stuff. I wasn't being quiet. I was simply reflecting on the days ahead, when I'll be cramping, craving chocolate and ice cream, and not wanting to do anything except sit my fat ass on the couch and watch the Food Network.

By the way, I was actually productive yesterday. I had a lesson to teach, then I painted the downstairs bathroom. I painted it "Vanilla Cream." Of course, my mother had something to say about the color. The last time I tried to paint the bathroom, the paint was called, "Cranberry Zing" (some of these names makes you wanna eat the paint). She was all yelling at me about how she couldn't stand the color, and she'd rather die than to have a bathroom that color...ya know, the usual exaggerated comments she likes to make about stupid shit so she has a reason to be dramatic. So yeah. I painted the bathroom.

And then, Andrew came over and watched movies with me :) Yay~! I felt like I hadn't seen him in forever. After two movies, he got all hungry and had to go, because he can't stand Korean food. You know, sometimes I wonder how he and I will ever get along living with each other if he can't stand the foods that I eat. I mean, it's not just Korean food that he can't stand. It's all kinds of other stuff, like anything that's a little out of the ordinary of the traditional American diet. Sigh...we'll figure it out, I supposed.

It's my birthday! I'm 23 years old now. Dang...I'm getting old.

Anyways, I had a fun weekend...well, starting on Thursday. A bunch of us (SOM people) went out to dinner, and then we went to IBA for some karaoke. They're so goofy. David oppa made me cookies (can you call those cookies? They're more like cupcakes, but not really...hmm..), and brought me presents. Isn't that nice? And Stephanie bought me all sorts of neat things for my bathroom (I think she's trying to tell me something). Whitney brought me tulips and got really drunk. Hehehe...

On Saturday, we basically did the same thing, except with different people, AND we went to Jocks & Jills to watch the DIRTY BIRDS beat the crap out of the Rams. That game was out of control. GO FALCONS!

The most entertaining part of that evening was when Kimberly decided to teach Andrew how to dance. Yeah...it was fucking hilarious. They decided to have the dance lesson in the middle of this bar, with all these Mexicans watching. The lesson was cut short by the lady at the counter telling us that our room is ready. I don't think she wanted to see any more of that going on in her bar.

Today is officially my birthday, and I've had a pretty good day so far. I woke up, had some tea, watched the news; Gloria finally got her fat ass out of bed and made me breakfast (bacon, sausage, eggs, pancakes...I promise I'll go on a diet after today), and later, I have to teach, and then I'm going to have dinner with Andrew. I wonder what he got me for my birthday...hmm...

I start my student teaching tomorrow. An entire semester of waking up at 5:30am! YAY!! I'm soo excited.

An addition to the list:

10. violin strings (preferrably Eva Pirazzi)

I've come to the conclusion that I need to marry a rich guy. I was on William-Sonoma.com, and yeah...I want EVERYTHING from there. Seriously, I want everything in that store. Heck, I'll just move my bed into one of their stores, and I'll just live there if that'll be easier. So here's what I'm thinking. If I just save up like $300 a month from now until I get my own place, I'll have enough money to buy everything i want from there. See, the apartment I will get will probably have white walls in the kitchen, so I want all red appliances, and olive green plates and stuff....or maybe yellow.
So if the saving $300 a month thing doesn't work, then I think I'm just gonna have to marry a rich guy...really, really soon. Or I could always just sell my body on the streets.

Gloria's friend, Robbie, has been coming over to our house a lot lately. He's nice. I like him out of all the other guys that she's brought over. I think she should go out with him...except he kinda seems a little gay to me, and she claims that they're just "friends." I wish she'd just find a nice boy and get married or something. That might actually make things better around here.

My birthday's coming up! Here's a list of things that I'd like for my birthday:

1. digital camera
2. herd garden kit
3. Mary Kay Miracle Set
4. slippers...the comfy ones from LL Bean
5. Bare Foot Contessa's cookbooks
6. digital camera
7. basa nova cd (the one by the guy that was on Conan a couple months ago)
8. jewerly (I don't have enough...earrings have to be surgical steel)
9. DIGITAL CAMERA

Okay, so that's about it. That's not too complicated. I wish I could throw a party...does anyone wanna throw a party for me?

Happy New Year, everybody.

On New Years Day, David, Bryan and I went to Loca Luna. It wasn't as crowded as is normally is on Saturdays, but it was still fun. Actually, it was probably more fun because it was less crowded. Anyways, long story short, Bryan got piss drunk. I mean, he was TRASHED. He couldn't think straight (not that he ever does, haha). He was falling all over the place...it was funny, yet unsettling. So during the course of the evening, Bryan shared some very interesting stories, which I'm not going to talk about because if he ever saw this, he would kill me. Sharing these stories led to some very interesting conversation. I think the three of us shared some very intimate details about each other, and we'll probably never be able to get away from talking about those things.

Certain events in the past couple days have made me think...am I likable? Do people really like me? I mean, I know I come off a little to strong sometimes, but you'd think that people would push you away sooner if they don't like you, ya know? How do you know if someone genuinely likes you as a person? Sigh...people are so fake sometimes.

I honestly don't feel like it's a new year yet. Perhaps it'll hit me once I start school again.