So the holidays are coming up, which means finals and juries are here. Someone shoot me right now. First of all, I have to learn how to play the damn flute and sax for my Instrumental Methods class....well, along with trombone, snare drum and marimba, but those are okay. The other instrument is mellophone, but that's not a problem at all.

My EPSF final is next Tuesday. BLEH.

My jury is Thursday morning. The fugue is kicking my ass.

My dad's best friend is coming into town this Friday. That's tomorrow! They're staying in my room. My room looks like crap. I have to clean all day today. Isn't that fabulous??

The last couple weeks of school is here. I think every major thing is over...well, not really. I still have to do this orchestration project, study for my ESPF final, play trombone, horn, flute, sax, snare and marimba for my education class...okay, that's a little more than I thought. But it's okay! I can handle it because I'm SUPER GRACE! Not really. I think at this point, I just don't give a damn.

I had a talk with our concertmaster yesterday up in the practice rooms. He said that he might not be in orchestra next semester. That just sucks. Too many people who are key players are not gonna be in orchestra...like Ray, Efser, Josef, Pepina, Steve, Philip...our orchestra's gonna REALLY sound like shit next semester. Could someone call Gil Shaham and Yo Yo Ma, and tell them that they're needed at GSU?

We had a double header today. I've never had to use my lips for anything for such a long period of time. I'm talking about basketball band, what are you thinking? Geez.

Anyways, I think I'm gonna go to Paris for spring break. It's cheaper and Victor's there, so we'll have someone to guide us around town. Then after we come back, we're gonna go to Alabama for a basketball tournament. Yeah, from Paris, France to Alabama. HUGE changes. I really hope this Spring Break thing pulls through. i really want to go.

Thanksgiving was good. My mother and I were going crazy in the kitchen during the day, and we stuffed ourselves at night. Gloria, Dena and I could barely move because we ate so much. Some of our church members came over for dinner, so the little kids were there too. Man, they have soooo much energy! They were jumping all over the place. We played Twister and Uno, and the controlled them for awhile, but yeah...I'm never gonna have Korean kids.

Yesterday, Bravo had a West Wing marathon. YAY!! I watched West Wing ALL FREAKIN DAY. It was awesome. I had to leave the house for a bit because I had to get new tires. Andrew drove me around :) My baby takes care of me. We went to Starbucks, but then we went back to my house because I couldn't stay away from the marathon. It's okay, Andrew likes West Wing, too. He didn't want to leave to watch movies with Narul (they had movie night last night) because of West Wing. But, eventually he did. Then Daniel called to see if I wanted to hang out. I made him drive out here. We watched Conan. Not as good as West Wing, but still pretty good. Daniel didn't even know what West Wing is. HOW CAN ANYONE NOT KNOW?? Sometimes I feel like the only thing Daniel is interested in is music....well, sex too, but that's another story.

I'm sitting in my room with Dena, talking about white boys who like to lick their poop holes, and my sister, in a towel, annoying the hell out of Dena. Hmm...Happy Thanksgiving to you too.

Anyways, my mom's going crazy in the kitchen right now, trying to prepare everything for tonight. We're having people from church come over to spend the evening with us. I'm sure it'll be great. Yeah...great.

Eww...Dena just decided to inform us that she has to "dooky." Gloria's telling her to go to the downstairs bathroom. Life is just so interesting right now. Yeah.

Life just never seems to want to give me a break. School even gives me a break, but life? No.

Turkey Day is coming up. Boy, am I glad. I really need some time off from school. Too much has happened this past week. I'm glad it's over.

London or Paris? You decide.

Yesterday was Jen Mitchell's senior recital. It was good. There were soooooo many people there, including ASO players. She's dating the princple trumpet player! Isn't that crazy?? How do these people get together?

Anyways, this weekend was interesting. I got kinda sick because of lack of sleep, so I didn't do much on Saturday. I was supposed to either go over to my student's music get together thing to see him perform his piece with his wife or go to see the Columbus Symphony. But, I slept...and then rented Finding Nemo and watched it with my sister. I love that movie! It's so cute.

I went to see the ASO and Chorus perform the Belioz Requiem. It was nice. A little slow at times. Andrew fell asleep during the first movement. He didn't even wake up for the big brass part. Anyways, afterwards, Andrew, Bob, Patrick and I went to Houlihans and drank. Bob got a little tipsy and I...well, I had only one drink so I was okay. Didn't feel much like drinking a lot, even though they were going to buy all my drinks for me. And having Andrew there, not drinking at all was kinda making me feel a wee bit uncomfortable about drinking. He always says that it's okay if i drink in front of him now, but it's still a little weird.
I'm thinking about going to England for Spring Break. Good idea? Bad idea? Not sure yet...I just really want to go.

Oh yeah, happy birthday to Daniel.

I'm so freakin' SICK OF EVERYTHING. I'm sick of school, I'm sick of people, I'm sick of life. Something definitely needs to change, FAST. I don't know what or how, but something needs to change.

It's Halloween! This morning, we had a visitation at Lanier Middle School. Guess what. I had to conduct the FREAKIN' band. I was a little nervous about that. It went okay though, I guess. AFter that, we had to run downtown for basic improv. We had a class with Dr. Vernick. Everyone got a chance to solo in this song called "Yellow Sunflower" (or at least that's what I think it's called). Dr. Vernick was impressed with my solo. He said that he liked my solo the best, and he asked what my name is and stuff. That made me feel pretty damn good :)

Anyways, Dr. Schechter ROCKED tonight! Her recital was GREAT. She was awesome.

Halloween is tomorrow. I'm going to be a vampire. At least that's what I'm gonna try to be. I like dressing up as something I'm not. It's fun. I wish Halloween was more than once a year.

Andrew and I had our two year anniversary the other day. It was nice, except I had to spend half the day with my dad at the Dekalb County Courthouse. We had to be there for the citations he got for that accident a couple weeks ago. How are they going to give someone tickets for "driving too fast for the rain" and "failure to maintain in one lane" when they fucking hydroplaned?? Damnit, they've been through enough already. They don't need to go through this. Speaking of which, my parents are getting a new car. I hate this. I don't want to go through this again. I don't understand my parents' reasoning for their actions AT ALL. They make no sense! ARRRRGHHH....I hate my life.

I'm listening to Mendelssohn Octet right now. It's on the radio. Man...I LOVE THIS PIECE! How can anyone think up something that sounds so amazing? I'll never be able to understand how composers work.

Anyways, lots been going on in the past couple weeks. I'm glad some of the things are out of the way, and I'm really hoping that some of the pressure and stress will be gone. Although, I feel my period coming...that's never a good thing. What really sucks is that Andrew and my 2 year anniversary is coming up, and I'm gonna have my period during it. This always happens. Maybe we should just change the date or something...

Ever wonder why certain people in your life can make you do and think things that you'd never think of doing or thinking otherwise? Isn't it weird how some people have power over you like that? I honestly can't decide whether to stay away from those people or to hang around them all the time for inspiration or whatever. Sometimes people bring things to my attention that I'd never thought of before, and I get all caught up in the moment. That's bad, right? Nobody should have that much influence over me. It's like I'm a little puppet or something.

Anyone else going to the JLC concert in Athens on the 24th?
Email me, maybe we could carpool! jsong7@student.gsu.edu

The past couple days have been a little...weird. I'm going through this phase or something, and it's really starting to break me down. I can't figure out what to do with everything and everyone. It's frustrating. I hung out with Whitney last night to figure some stuff out, but we ended up talking about her grandmother for most of the time. It's okay though, she needed someone to talk to about her situation. She's so stuck...I feel really bad for her.

:: Bitch Hiku for You ::

Bitch face bitch slap bitch
Want to kick p'ions in the park?
Don't kick my face bitch

We have our second visit to Hull Middle School tomorrow. I'm kinda nervous. Last week wasn't that great, and I have a feeling that this week isn't gonna be all that great either, especially since Dr. Marshall's gonna be looking for a better lesson plan. This really makes me wonder if I should do this for a living. Can I handle it? Will I be able to do this if I'm by myself in a class of 40+ students who blank looks on their faces, not having a clue as to how to play the pieces of wood they're holding in their hands? I don't think I could do it. I don't think I could handle it. It's too hard. I'm not cut out to be a teacher...what am I doing as an ed major? What am I doing as a music major in general?? Damnit...I'm gonna have a freakin' nervous break down.

My parents got into an accident this morning. They hydroplaned into an 18-wheeler. My mom's a little bruised up, aside from that, no major injuries for either of them. There isn't anything wrong with my dad at all. Isn't that weird? They could've been killed. The car's a total wreck. Everything on the driver's side of the car was done in, but my dad, who was driving, is just fine. Not even a scratch. Someone up there is doing some serious watching over my parents.

Daniel oppa randomly showed up at church on Sunday. What the heck?? And why the hell didn't he tell me that he was gonna come up? Weirdo. He brought a friend with him. He wasn't all that great looking, especially next to oppa. Poor Eddie...must be hard being friends with someone that looks that good. I think Daniel oppa will always be the best looking Korean guy that I know...except that one guy on TV. Now THAT is good lookin'.

Speaking of Daniel oppa, another Daniel from Columbus paid a little visit today. Cello Daniel randomly showed up at the SOM for a lesson with Martha. Weirdo. Why didn't HE call me to tell me he was coming? We talked for a little bit. We were gonna hang out and he was talking like he wanted to hang out, but he went straight back to Columbus after we talked. He didn't even tell me that he wasn't going to stay. He was all like "I don't know if I'm gonna go back yet" and that was just five minutes before he got right back on the interstate going south. Oh well, it was nice to see him again though.

It's really funny how people are sometimes. They act like they want to know you and like you and all that stuff when you're looking at them face to face, but once you're not face to face anymore, the connection is gone. Why do we always lose each other? It's sad, really....that's why you can't trust people.

Have I ever mentioned how crazy my family is? And I don't mean funny crazy or cute crazy. I mean, we have some CRAZY ASS MUTHA FUCKING BITCHES UP IN THIS HOUSE. I'm not trying to be funny or cute either. I'm dead serious. We can't ever do anything together without getting into each other's faces about EVERYTHING. I'm so afraid that when I'm grown up and get married, my family is going to end up like the one I have right now. I don't want to have children like me and my sister, I don't want to be a mother like my mom...and it's sooo going to happen that way, too. Wow, what a GREAT way to scare away boys.

Sometimes people say things and other people take it the wrong way. I think I'm one of those people that take everything the wrong way, like I dwell on it too much and think too hard. I wish I'd stop doing that. That would probably stop all the potential drama from being so...potential. Staying away from people that cause drama or draw drama to them would help, too. I can't seem to do that very well...

I went bowling with my sister last night. We bowled six games yesterday. Gloria's best set was 145, her worst was 56. My best was 110 and my worst was 44. FORTYFUCKINGFOUR. Anyways, it was nice. Afterwards, we went to Taco Mac. We were gonna go to the one on Mountain Industrial, but it looked really scary, so we went to the one off of 141. We watched the Braves game. Man, remind me never to go to a sports bar with my sister to watch a Braves game ever again. She's so freakin' loud! First of all, there weren't very many people in there. Second, we were sitting in the middle of the restuarant. Third, she was screaming at the top of her lungs like somebody was dying, ESPECIALLY everytime Javy Lopez came up to bat. Damn, that girl is completely obsessed. Anyhow, the Braves lost. I'm kinda glad that the Cubs won. They appreciate it more, I think.

Sometimes we want things that we can't have. Doesn't that suck?

Bart, Andrew Kang and I had a gig today at Anthony's in Buckhead. That's where Jill got married a year ago. It was a nice ceremony...the bride is a Christian and the groom is Buddhist, so it was non-denominational supposedly. If it was truly non-denominational, i think their selection of music would've been quite different, and the service would've been different too. Oh well, it's their thing. Anyways, the wedding was outside, and it was thankfully a gorgeous day. It was sunny, cool, a little breezy, and from time to time, the leaves would fall and add a little bit of orange and yellow to the scene. It was all very pretty...until we got attacked by f*cking mosquitos. I got 4 bites on my left leg, 3 on my right, one on my left arm (I killed the bastard while it was still sucking blood), 1 on my hand and another one on my forehead. And Andrew swallowed one. If I had three wishes, I think one would seriously be to make all the mosquitos in the world disappear and never come back. What are they useful for? NOTHING.

After the wedding (we got $20 extra for playing 15 mins. longer), Andrew Kang and I went over to Eric's. Then we all went to Joe's. Andrew kept drooling over this one guy that works there. His name is Brandon. His head is too big for his body, but he really does have a cute face. We kept telling Andrew to go over there and talk to him, but he didn't. We asked another waiter for his name, and then that waiter went up to Brandon and they both came out and stared at us. Hmm...after that, we went to Jake's for ice cream, and ended up talking for a really long time. THEN we went to Eric's and played Uno Attack. That's a messed up game, but not as bad as Phase Ten. It was fun, I lost, blah, blah, blah.

Braves won the game tonight. They're playing the Cubs tomorrow at Turner Field for Game Five. Go Braves, go...so they can play the Yankees at the World Series and get their asses kicked (hahahaha).

Yesterday was the Wind Ensemble concert. It was nice. I kinda fell asleep (what Wind Ensemble concert have I not fallen asleep in?) during the Beethoven...and some other pieces....but anyways, it was overall pretty okay. I really liked the Concerto for Percussion and the last piece (I forget what it was called). After the concert, we went to El Azteca. I had a margarita. It was good. I had to go pee A LOT after the meal. It always seems to happen whenever I drink. But that's really weird b/c I think I went to pee more times than Matt, and Matt had 7 glasses of water. Hmm...do I have a bladder problem?

Sometimes things are really hard to let go, especially people. Wouldn't it be great if we could just not care about someone over night? Eh...c'est la vie (ya like that, vicki? I hope I spelled it right).

Right now, I'm sitting next to my baby in the computer lab, waiting for my next class to start. I don't want to go! But i have to...I skipped on Tuesday. Man, Tuesdays and Thursdays have become pretty pointless. I don't understand why I have to come to school on those days. I skip my EPSF class a lot, and Darien and I don't really rehearse for chamber, so I just end up driving downtown, sitting around for a couple hours, then leaving. Oh yeah, sometimes I practice. I should do that more often, shouldn't I?

We have a school visitation tomorrow morning at Hull Middle. We're supposed to be doing some sort of teaching thingie for two classes. It's gonna be too early to think.

It's really weird seeing all these people that I started college with graduate, get married, get real jobs...I don't feel like I'm supposed to be this old, ya know? I still feel like I'm in high school or something.

Darien and I just had a coaching with Mr. Najar. I asked him about the seating for this next concert, and he said that he's going to keep the first couple rows of first violins the same. DAMNIT!! I don't want to sit there anymore. I don't want to sit on the outside, I don't want to play the first violin part to Pines of Rome, I don't want to play the Beethoven...argh. WHY?!

*Ahem*...anyways, I talked to Victor a little bit this morning. I miss him :( I've just been feeling like there are a lot of people that I want to see and talk to and spend time with, but I can't. They're not here. They don't want to be here.

That makes me sad :(

People are easily forgotten.

So I'm officially taking an extra year at school. I don't know why I'm making such a big deal about this...maybe because I could've made it out in four. I had a meeting with Dr. Marshall about it, and he said that it would be good, and it'll just prepare me better for a job. Yeah, that's what I think, too. Besides, what are the odds that I'll find a job in the middle of the year? *Sigh*...I still feel really weird about it.

I got a postcard from Victor today. He's being a good boy and saying no to STDs. Good boy, Vicki, good boy :)

We had our first orchestra concert today. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. There were a couple times during the concert when Mr. Najar looked like he was about to kill a certain pianist, but that's okay...nothing fell apart. After the concert, Miles, Andrew Kang, my Andrew and I went out to eat. We went to Wolfgang Puck Express. It was bad...it wasn't great either. One good thing that came out of it - Andrew ran into an old manager that really likes him, and I think he's gonna get a job there. That means he can quit Ted's! YAY! Ted's sucks...well, the management and the money sucks, but the food doesn't. Those are some damn good burgers.

I'm thinking about taking an extra year. I used to care about getting out in four years and everything, but it doesn't matter anymore. I know that I could've gotten out in four years, that's all that matters. I chose to take extra time. It's better this way, I think. I get to do what I want to do, ya know? I don't have to explain or prove myself to anyone. As long as I'm happy...I wish my parents would understand that. All they care about it me getting through school and getting married and having babies. They don't even know what my plans are for the next ten years, not that I do either, but still. At least I have an idea of what I want.

Eh...whatever.

Andrew and I are going on a double date with Bart and Liz tonight. It's exciting because it's a blind date for them. I think they'll get along well....or at least I hope. I don't want this to be some sort of traumatizing experience for either of them. I'm sure it'll be fine.

School's been pretty busy. I don't think people believe me when I tell them that I couldn't do certain things because I'm busy. Why don't they believe me? Well, I guess it's not really only school though. It's gigs too. I've been getting gigs up the butt. Everyone wants to freakin' get married in October! Can't blame them...that's when I wanna get married too. Andrew wants to get married during summer or spring. Yeah...I'm gonna get married. Speaking of marriage all that other good stuff, Andrew and I got invitations to Whitney Hurford and Corey's wedding shower (not really a bridal shower b/c I think both of them are going to be there). How exciting! I can't believe she's getting married. It seems like only yesterday she and I were sitting in Joe's Crab Shack, talking about this guy named Corey that she's interested in :) Those two make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Gil Shaham played with ASO this weekend. Mendelssohn Violin Concerto! It was GREAT. It was more than great. The concert in general was awesome, not only because of Gill Shaham, but because in the second half of the concert, ASO played Mahler 5. It was great. Andrew just about peed his pants when all the brass started playing really loud. It was a good night. I went with Whitney on Friday and went with Andrew on Saturday. On Friday I had no problems seeing because we were on the second balcony, front row. On Saturday, this really tall annoying guy sat right in front of me and I just about broke my neck trying to see Gil. It was extra annoying because he kept nodding and moving his head to the music. HELLO~! That's the worst thing anyone could possibly do at a recital or concert. Geez. Anyways, the tall man and his short Asian woman freakin' left after the Mendelssohn. ARGH.

Kennehh is rubbing Angelina Jolie's face all over his nipples. Go nipples, go!

I went to Lassiter HS to observe and talk to the orchestra director there. She's cool. I have a feeling that if I did my student teaching there, we're talk A LOT. Anyways, she thinks that I should do part of my student teaching with a band. Dr. Marshall doesn't think that would be a good idea, unless I want to do it with a middle school or something. Come on...if I'm gonna do student teaching with a band, I want a freakin' good band. Of course Lassiter has a kick ass band program. Hmmm...I just need to think about this a little more.

My mind's been a little off lately. Too much thinking or lack of thinking, I can't decide which one it is. All I know is, I've been feeling weird.

I'm at school right now. I just spoke with Dr. Ambrose about auditioning for the pep band. Why am I doing this you ask? Well...to tell you the truth, I'm not really sure. I mean, it would be great to get the band experience or whatever since I don't know what that's like being a string person, but yeah...not sure. On top of that, I'm learning how to play the "Devil's instrument" aka Mellophone. I don't know why people say that it's so horrible. It's actually not that bad, and I"m not bad at playing it. I think it has something to do with confidence. I don't have enough confidence to play this instrument. Afterall, I picked it up only a week ago. Hmm...things to think about.

The friend didn't let go. The monster got him...it got him real bad....

Hello everyone. So last night wasn't as painful as I described...wait, did I say it was painful last night? I can't remember what I wrote. Anyways, I got to know Tabitha a little bit, and she's cool. I think we're gonna get along just fine. They're so happy together. I'm really glad that Chris finally found someone that makes him happy...giddy's more like it. I've never seen him giggle like a school girl until yesterday. Kinda freaked me out...
Back to school tomorrow. I don't wanna go! There's too much to do. I have an observation report due tomorrow for orchestration, journal stuff for EPSF and a whole lot of other crap...but that's all okay because my other boyfriend is coming to town on Thursday through Saturday to play with the ASO. Gil Shaham, baby! Man, I'm sooo excited. I'm gonna try to go see him every all three nights. I mean, when else am I gonna get a chance to see my favorite violinist play my favorite violin concerto? It's gonna be absolutely amazing. I CAN'T WAIT!
It was my dad's birthday on Friday. We got him the printer/copier thingie and he liked it. My sister made him an ice cream cake from Cold Stone (she works there). It was all slanted and stuff. On Saturday afternoon, we all went to this buffet place in Duluth. It was okay. Andrew went with us. I think it's kinda weird how my parents are always telling me that I need to meet a nice Korean guy and get married, but they're always inviting Andrew to family functions. I think he's been to almost all birthday dinners in the past two years. Anyways, we laughed a lot b/c my family is crazy as hell. Good times, good times...
On the same day as my dad's birthday, one of my friends went on an adventure to visit an old monster from the past. I mean, really...let it go, man! Rather, the monster needs to let this friend go. Ignore the monster. It's no good for you. It'll stop bothering you if you stop listening to it, okay?

I'm at Georgia Southern right now. We came down here to see Chris and meet his new girlfriend. Yes, after not having a girlfriend for like 6 years, he's found a girl who is worthy of his time. Isn't that sweet? Aww...anyways, they seem really happy together. I'm not sure what to think of her though. I guess I don't know what to think of her b/c I don't know her. I mean, usually I can tell what kinda person someone is when I first meet them, but with her, I can't tell. Anyways, as long as they're happy, I'm happy too.
So there's absolutely nothing to do down here. How can anyone spend 4 years or more of their lives in a place where there's nothing to do? It took us like, an hour to decide where to eat b/c our choices are so freakin' limited...that and Chris didn't really plan for us to do anything or something. He's not a good host at all. I guess being a guy, he doesn't really think about that, but still. His best friend drove 3 hours to see him and he's gonna be a terrible host. Good job, guy.

I'm sitting in my room with my sister, and she's talking about how skinny one of her friends is because she took ADD medication. Now she wants to take it. And the guy that she has a crush on thinks that the skinny friend is hot. It made her jealous. Oh, the woos of teenage life.
Anyways, my dad's birthday is in two days. We're getting him a copier/printer. Yay.
I have a lot of gigs coming up. For this one gig, I have to play in a quartet of freshmen. Yeah, they're definitely freshmen. Naturally, I don't give them enough credit. I mean, come on...they're my little sister's age! Hmm, I hope I wasn't too rough on them. I just get the feeling that they haven't had enough experience with gigs. Oh well, they'll learn.

Do only sad and lonely people have online journals?

It's 8am right now. I can't take a shower because my stupid sister NEEDS to listen to the radio while she's drying her hair. ARGH...I really want to move out, but at the same time, I don't. My family needs me at home, but it's such a pain in the ass living here. Damnit, why do I have to be such a nice person?? (haha).

Andrew called me at 2am this morning to tell me that his best friend got a girlfriend. He hasn't had a relationship in a really long time, so we're really happy for him. He's a great guy! He deserves the best. Hopefully this girl is what he's been looking for all these years. Anyways, Andrew said that he called him all excited about his new girl and stuff. Ahh, new love. It's a good thing. I remember when Andrew and I first got together. Everything was so new and exciting. We couldn't stay away from each other for more than a couple hours at a time. I remember one weekend, he went down to Georgia Southern to see his friend and we didn't see each other for an entire weekend. When he came back, I told him to never to that again :) Love is such a great thing. It's amazing that Andrew and I have been together for two years. Two years! That's a long freakin' time! And we're still in love with each other. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I love him sooo much. I hope Andrew's best friend can experience the same thing with his new girl.

So...the second week of school. I feel like I'm on overload already. I'm trying really hard to be good this year since it's the last year of academics, but man, it's hard. I have too many performance things to worry about, plus CMENC and commuting everyday. Yeah. It kinda sucks. I feel like last year was a better year. I really miss people who were here last year. Little things remind me of the people that I miss, and it's making me kinda sad. I guess there are just some things that I'm never going to get back (like the freakin' past) and I need to just move on with my life. Why should I dwell on something that's long gone, right? It's not like the past is going to come looking for me. Bygones...

Next Friday is my dad's birthday. We're definitely not going to forget about it this year. In 2001, we forgot about it. It was the day after the terriorist attack in NY and DC. September 12th...I can't believe we forgot it. We realized it like a week after. My sister cried. We felt really, really bad about it. But this year, we're not going to forget. I think we're gonna get him a printer/copy machine. He needs one. Besides, it's been a really long time since he's had a new toy to play with.

Victor left. He's gone for a WHOLE FREAKIN' YEAR. :(

Yesterday I had a meeting with my advisor about what I should do with the rest of my life. I told him that I definitely want to stay in music, I just don't know what it is that I want to do with music. I don't feel like I'm good enough to do performance, I don't think I want to do education...I told him that I have an interest in conducting, and he told me that conducting degrees are bullshit. Actually, he didn't really say that. He just said that he has this thing against conducting degrees b/c you don't really get to conduct all that much. He told me that I would get more "stick time" if I teach in a school. Hmm...yeah. Needless to say, it wasn't a very productive meeting. I still don't know what the hell I want to do with the rest of my freakin' life. I think I'm gonna have to go with my back up plan: marry Prince William. Does anyone have his number?

It was Labor Day. Didn't do much, really. The family went out for lunch. Of course we had to argue about where to go, what to eat for about an hour before we actually decided on a place. Why does it have to be so difficult to be a family?? Geez...anyways, afterwards we came home, and Gloria wanted to go bowling, so we went (Gloria, Andrew and I went). I bowled a 136! Isn't that veird??
Vicki leaves in a day. A DAY. And after that, it's a whole year without Victor. That makes me sad :( At the same time, I'm really excited for him. He's gonna be in Paris! No, not Paris, Texas...France! He's gonna be surrounded by good cheese, wine and beautiful, hairy women. Hmm...don't get too close to them though...say no to STDs, Vicki!
Why can't all the people in my life just stay here? I'm sick of missing people.

Hmm...so I'm writing here again, mostly because of Victor's constant, "Grace, you haven't written in your blog in FOREVERRRR." Well, it's because my life is boring! This summer, I really didn't do anything. Well, okay, so I taught three days out of the week, but that's about it. Other than that, I didn't do much. Here's the funny part. Even though I didn't do much anything this summer, I feel exhausted. Maybe watching everyone else do productive things made me feel tired too...is there such a thing as sympathy exhaustion, like sympathy pains? Oh well.
I guess a lot of things did happen this summer. There were a couple weddings (Tracey and Nick, Amanda and Mike), couple gigs, Ms. Maxwell had her baby (Maxwell Emory Clements), and I got to spend a lot of time with people that I normally wouldn't spend time with and found out that they're actually a lot cooler than I gave them credit for...so yeah, it's been good things. One thing I did NOT do is practice. Man, I always start the summer saying things like, "Okay, I'm gonna practice like 8 hours a day and I'm gonna go back to school and kick all you bitches in the ass for seating auditions!" yeah...right...practice? Me? Never...except something really unexpected happened for the seating auditions. I'm sitting at a place that I do not belong! I'm totally unworthy of sitting there. Yes...much confusion...
Anyways, for the past couple weeks, I spent a lot of time saying goodbye to friends who are going out of state/town/country for school. It's sad, really. I feel like I got to know a lot of people this summer, and they had to all go away. Some of them are new friends, some are old friends...either way, I'm going to miss them a lot.

::Bitch Hiku for the Day::
Bitches all leave town
School makes bitches go far...bitch
Bitch, bitch, sad bee-otch

School is over, I don't have a job, but I have a lot of time to catch up on sleep and catch up with old friends. Old friends, meaning people from high school. Last night was actually the first night that I got together with all of them. It was really, really weird seeing everyone at Chelsea's...together...in one place. It took me down memory lane. Don't know if that's a good thing or not. Anyways, there wasn't much drama yesterday. Everyone was nice and polite to the ones they are less than pleasan to normally. It was kinda nice. I liked hanging out with everyone.
On Monday, Regel's band came into town and played at Smith's Olde Bar. Liz, Dorothy, Amanda (now the official Mrs. Wooten (yay!) and I went to see them play. It was...a little harder than I thought, the music I mean. I was expecting something a little more classic rock-ish, rather than Metallica or something like that. But all in all, I thought they were good, except this one song, and I'm assuming it's called 'Letter' b/c every other word in the song was 'letter' or something that rhythmed with 'letter'. It was...interesting. Anyways, it was good to see Regel again. I hadn't seen him in forever.
I recently finished a book called The Da Vinci Code. For those who have yet to read it, READ IT! It's sooo damn good. I'm reading Angels and Demons, another book by Dan Brown right now. But all this is just filler reading...something to keep me busy while I'm waiting for the next Harry Potter book...oh yeah...I'm ready for that shit.

Lately, I've been feeling really weird. I can't really tell what it is. Maybe it's this whole turning 21 thing, I dunno. For some reason, I feel like I'm at a completely different level in my life, or should be. I feel like things should change, I need to grow up. I can feel myself growing up...or changing? I can't tell. Either way, I think it's been kinda rough on the people that I love and care about. I think I've been a little distant from certain people. They're not to blame for the way I feel...I'm just changing or something. It's too bad people can't change with my mood and feelings. It's been hard because I can't explain any of the things that I'm feeling....or maybe I don't want to. Well, whatever it is, I wish it would stop so I can stop feeling all funky all the time.
Tonight, Whitney, Kenneth, Eric, Stephanie and I went over to Andrew's apartment to watch movies. We ended up watching like 3 episodes of Queer as Folk. Yeah, it was a bit much for me at first, but it got better. I knew that it would be a little weird for Richard, but he was good about it....but then one of Richard's friends came over. He didn't say anything until everyone else left, and then he started blurting out stuff. Everything else was a little annoying, but the first comment that he made really, REALLY ticked me off. It actually didn't have anything to do with the fact that there were gay people over, and we were watching a gay drama, but about something else, rather, someone else. Why did he have to say something like that? The last time someone said something like that, I lost a lot of respect for a friend that I've known since I moved to Atlanta. I just makes me sick when people talk about other people like that. ARrrrrghh....anyways, they went on for about 2 more minutes, and I couldn't take it anymore, so I left. Andrew was kinda pissed at me for doing that. He didn't understand why I was so upset. It's probably just a huge misunderstanding on our part, but the things said in there offended me. I don't care what they think I should've thought or whatever. Anyways, I just kinda left so the issue was definitely unresolved. I hate it when it's like this, I don't know what it's going to be like tomorrow. I wish he's just call me or something, but he never calls after something like this happens. That's one of the things I wish he'd do....call me or chase after me after a disagreement of some sort. I always end up calling him or chasing after him or whatever. sigh....

I got a call from my mom while I was at school the other day, saying that they (mom and dad) were going up to Durham, NC. It turns out that an old friend of my parents (practically family) is in the hospital with an unidentifiable disease. It's so bad that he's in IC, they won't let anyone in to see him b/c he could be contagious, and they don't know if he'll make it. This really sucks. We've known these people since we moved to the States. He's like an uncle to me. He can't die. Anyways, my parents called the wife and she told them not to come. She wants them to visit after his surgery. Hopefully it will go well, and he will be better. I feel so bad for all of them. They've been through so much in the past year - they definitely do not deserve this type of pain on top of everything else.

This past weekend we went to the GMEA convention down in Savannah. It was...interesting. Thursday night was fun. We went to Kevin Barry's Pub for dinner, where most of the people who we were with got drunk, then Whitney, Natascha and I went to Wet Willie's where they proceeded to get even more drunk. What does drunk+moredrinks+bar+night=? Nasty ass middle aged men who are desperate enough to hit on someone two times younger than them. Yes, we were approached by some of those. It was nasty. When they told us how old they are, I almost blurted out, "Dude, I was in the 5th grade when you were a freshmen in college." But I contained myself. But when they invited themselves over to our table and started hitting on Whitney and Natascha (even after the girls told them that they were happily taken) and wouldn't leave, it got a little scary. So I called Diane and Liz to come pick us up. They said they'd come asap. Meanwhile, I HAD to cuss out those guys. So I told them they were pathetic losers who couldn't find girls who were their own age so they had to hit on some who were starting to grow their first teeth when THEIR first pubic hairs were growing. Fortunately, we were rescued just in time. We didn't end up on the back of a milk carton afterall. So yeah...EXCITING.
Being 21 in Savannah is fun.

Today was one of those days. I didn't want to do anything. All I really wanted to do was to sit on my ass and watch tv. Unfortunately, I had a full day, which included a violin lesson, chamber rehearsal and 6 hours of teaching. The chamber part wasn't so bad. We're playing Mendelssohn Octet. It's gonna be fun..hehehe...
My lesson on the other hand, wasn't so good. I haven't practiced in like a month or something like that, and my teacher was definitely disappointed and/or disgusted.
In Music History, Dr. Orr was asking weird questions that aren't really that hard to answer, but it is just because he's one of the scariest teachers in the world. After we listened to Haydn's Surprise Symphony (which really scared me when it got to the surprise part b/c I forgot about the surprise...stupid...), he asked what was wrong with the performance of the group. He first asked this girl, then he asked me, and of course I was like half asleep b/c Haydn's probably one of the most boring composers EVER, so I was like, "What the..." But then, I opened my mouth and said "duhhh...Haydn always makes me sleepy...(drool, drool)" So now, I'm sure he thinks of me as even more of a moron than he did last year. Great...something to look forward to for the rest of the semester. Hmm...I gotta pee.

Today is Sunday. We all know what that means - church time. I've been to church every Sunday of my life, give or take a few times when I was on a school trip. It's definitely a good thing to go to, but I don't think it should be something forced on people. That's kinda how I feel we grew up. I feel like religion was forced on us, rather than something we did by choice. I mean, not that I don't like church or don't believe in God or anything. I just think that something this big and life-altering should be something you do because you want to, not because you have to. I say that now, but I know that when I have kids, they're probably not going to have a choice in whether they go to church on Sundays or not. Oh god...I can see myself turning into my mother already...

Andrew, I love you more than anything. You mean the world to me. Sweet dreams tonight, I'll see you tomorrow :)

It's 1:55 am. I can't sleep. It's not just that I can't sleep, I'm WIDE AWAKE. I wish Andrew was awake. I wanna talk to him right now. I feel like I didn't even see him today. It's going to be like that this semester on Tuesdays and Thursdays - very different from the past year and a half. We're so used to being with each other every waking moment of our day...this is going to be a big change.
I'm turning 21 next Friday. In some ways, it's exciting, in others, it's kinda frightening. I mean, who ever thought that I would be 21? I mean, not that I thought I'd never turn 21 (although I did go through most of high school thinking that I was going to die before I turned 20). It's just weird thinking about being 21. I feel like just yesterday I was dreaming about the day I turned 16, reading Sweet Valley High books, wishing I was one of the twins. But now I'm older than the Sweet Valley High twins. On top of feeling like I'm growing up too fast, I'm due to graduate in a year. Yeah, perfect timing. I feel almost overwhelmed with feeling like I have no control of my life. Yees...just what I needed.
On a brighter note, I saw Chicago tonight. It's a great show, everyone see it. It rightfully deserves every Golden Globe nomination it got last week. I mean, come on...Richard Gere and Catherine Zeta-Jones are in it for cryin' out loud...they're hot!