I made these little chick cupcakes for a couple people at school today. It's funny because the guys really don't give a crap about whether they're cute or not. When I give them to women, they're usually like, "Awww! They're too cute to eat!" Today, three of the four people that I gave them to were men. One said, "I don't care it's they're cute, I'll eat it." Another opened it up, looked at it and said, "Thanks Grace, this is really sweet" and pulled the legs off and ate them. Well, that's the last time I try to make something cute for guys. They just want food.

I'm so freakin' bloated today. If you put me in the middle of a large body of water, I would float really well. Could someone come over and deflate me or....bring me a chocolate cake?

Should I cut my hair? I was gonna wait to cut so I can have enough hair to donate to Locks of Love, but I'm getting really, REALLY sick of it being so freakin' long. It's too much.

I have a job for next year...YAAAAY! Unfortunately, I'm gonna have to move to Lawrenceville. But since everyone else seems to be headed in that direction, maybe it won't be so bad. Tiff, you need to find a house in Lawrenceville so we can be neighbors!
We need to go celebrate...anyone up for celebrating?

I found out yesterday that a really funny comedian named Mitch Hedberg is dead. He ODed on heroine or something. Booo...I really wanted to see him live. He's so damn funny.

I was reading Dorothy's livejournal, and I found this survey. I like it...it has to do with food.


For your inner cook:

How many meals does your family eat at home a week? A lot. Especially when I'm in the cooking mood. I like to cook at home as much as possible because I feel like anything I can buy at a restaurant, I can make at home, and ten times better. Plus it's cheaper to eat at home.

How many cookbooks do you own? I have about 5 or 6, but I subscribe to Gourmet and buy whatever other interesting magazines I might find

How often do you refer to a cookbook each week? Almost every single time I cook, unless I know the recipe by heart or I'm making something up. Like today, I made a margherita pizza, and I didn't use a recipe. But Italian food's kinda easy.

Do you collect recipes from other sources? online, tv, people

How do you store those recipes? most of the time, I attach urgent recipes (like things I HAVE to try ASAP) or recipes that I really, really like on the refrigerator.

Is there a particular ethnic style or flavor that predominates in your cooking? ...herbs?

What is your favorite kitchen task related to meal planning or preparation? tasting :)

Do you plan menus before you shop? Uh, duh. What would be the point of going shopping if you don't know what you have to get? Although, I do forget things sometimes...that's why I make lists.

What are your three favorite kitchen tools or appliances? spatula, Silpat, large cutting board. And if I had a Kitchen Aid stand mixer, that would be at #1.

If you could buy one new thing for your kitchen, money was no object, and space not an issue, what would you like to have? Please see above answer.

Do you have a seperate freezer for storage? No, but we do have two refrigerators.

How many meatless main dish meals do you fix in a week? Most of the time, I try to have something with protein in it...but I made meatless pizza twice this week.

If you have a decorating theme in your kitchen, what is it? Hmm...I don't have a style right now, but I would like to have a kitchen that is spacious with lots of storage, stainless steel appliances for the major things (fridge, sinks, ovens, stove), and fire engine red small appliances (toaster, stand mixer, coffee maker, etc), a brick fire oven, indoor grill...okay, let me stop. I could go on forever.

What was the first thing you learned to cook, and how old were you? Hmm...well, when I was in 5th grade, I took a week long cooking workshop, and I learned how to make some really good food. I think the first time I cooked a full meal by myself was a couple weeks after the classes. One of my teachers and her children came over the dinner, and I made manicotti and strawberry cheesecake for dessert.

How did you learn to cook? watching people, tv, reading, tasting


Hey, that was fun. I liked those questions.

There are things about me that I really, really hate. And you'd think that since I'm aware of these things, I'd fix them, but I don't. It's like I can't help it. I just hate myself afterwards, and this whole Asian pride thing gets in the way of me apoloizing. I've actually been trying to fix the apologizing part, but it really hasn't been working too well, because most of the time it involves my sister and parents. They don't do the whole "forgiving" thing too well. They just take the apology and "move on," but as soon as you do something that they don't like, they throw it in your face (it's more my sister and mother more than my dad...poor Dad). For that reason, the communication in this household doesn't really...well, exist. We never really talk to each other about serious stuff because the other person's always rolling their eyes, and they feel like the ony reason why that person's telling them anything is because they want pity and they want you to do something about their problems...or at least that's how I feel. And I really, really hate myself for feeling that way. I wish I could just have sympathy for them and be grateful that I can help out. Instead, I feel really...I dunno...I feel like they're taking something away from me, holding me back, and it sucks. I feel like I'm going to live the rest of my life taking care of my familiy, and I should feel good about the fact that I can, but at the same time, it's a huge burden, ya know? I wish I could be more thankful and look at the bright side of things, rather than get all stressed out and depressed. I feel completely self centered and selfish when I think this way...arrrgh.

On an unrelated note, St. Patrick's Day was yesterday. Ross, Tiff, John, Dorothy, Mike, Amanda, Andrew and I went to this bar called "Spotted Dog." It's a nice place. We just sat around, drinking over priced drinks, eating over priced food. At one point during the evening, Tiffany, Dorothy, Amanda, Ross and I all needed to go to the restroom. Here are a couple things that were observed on the way to and in the bathroom:

1. The bathroom was too far from the bar/restaurant. It was upstairs, around a corner, around another corner and down the hall. If someone got sick from drinking and neede to barf, they would not make it to the bathroom.
2. There was a man in the bathroom. I don't think he was gay, nor was he a transvestite.
3. There were girls in there who were showing off their crotches and asses.
4. They proceeded to ask people if they wanted to see their nipples (I think the guy who was in there wanted to see them).
5. Ross, while waiting for us in the hallway, was accosted by the same girl that was showing us her ass. But like a good Catholic boy, he refused the nipples.
6. I had a Jager bomb with John (no, not in the bathroom or on the way to the bathroom...after we got back. I just thought it would be a nice ending to the list.

Last night, on MySpace, I wrote about the way society expects women to look. This morning, I was listening to the radio, and they had the "guy panel," and they were answering questions from women who called the show. There were a few questions that were a little stupid, but one question was very interesting. She asked, "Would you rather an overweight woman who is confident in herself or a woman with an amazing body that has no confidence?" Guess what the guys said, "How overweight?" I suppose that question make sense to ask, but at the same time, it seems like they were asking to avoid sounding like complete jackasses. What really made them sound like jackasses was when one of the women on the show asked, "Let's say that you've found the perfect girl, but she's a little overweight...like 5 pounds. What's the deal breaker for you? How much weight would she have to put on before you break up with her?" Okay, first of all, you don't notice 5 pounds. Second, one of the guys said, "20 pounds." Goodness...he would throw away the perfect girl because of a little weight. I mean, of course, no guy is going to want a fat girlfriend, but aren't they always saying how confidence is what makes a woman sexy? In fact, later in the show, they were asked what makes one woman better in bed than another? And they said, "Confidence." Oy...I can't decide if I appreciate them for their honesty or if they're just the type of guys that women should avoid.

I guess since I had a good day yesterday, I'm doomed to have a bad one today. I've been in a bad mood since I woke up this morning. I don't understand what's wrong...well, I guess I know what's wrong. It's just something that's been a problem for the past few years, and it's something that's never going to away. It's because of a stupid mistake that my parents made a few years ago. It's because of the mistakes that they're making now. It's because they don't know how to take care of themselves without me holding their hand. I know I've probably written about this more times than anything else on this blog, and it doesn't seem like it should be something new, but I feel like everytime they ask me to do something that's totally unfair to me, it's another brick on my shoulders, and it's becoming unbarable. Sometimes I really have to wonder why we have to go through this. And I want to be the stronger person and say, "well, it's life experience" or "what doesn't kill me makes me stronger" or "at least I'm able to help," but how much longer can I take it before I completely lose it? Will I lose it?

Notes to myself, inspired by Bob...

1. Don't let things that are "wide and flat" get in the way of...things.
2. Scratch ass when it itches
3. Bake at least once a week
4. Listen to more Brahms
5. Cut toenails...them junks are NASTAY
6. Take more pictures with digital camera
7. Watch more Daily Show
8. Knit
9. Scare more chilrrens at school
10. Write more in my blog

I got this from Natascha today. Honestly, I haven't done one of these in a very long time...I think the last time I did one was freshman year in college. Ya know, on one of those nights when you know you should be doing theory homework, but you don't know what the hell Pomeroy was talking about that day, so you make yourself feel better by sitting at your desk with the book open in front of you, pretending to read, but you're reading in circles because you're really talking on IM and filling out an email survey. Yeah...one of those.


1. What time did you get up this morning? 7:45
2. Diamonds or pearls? ...okay, nevermind. I give up. I don't know how or why I filled out so many of these damn things in college. I mean, nobody really cares about you THAT much to read all of it. You know those bitches take one look at the subject of the email and throw that shit away. Oh well...there's my attempt at recreating my youth.

Andrew and I had a very interesting conversation the other night. I'm not sure how the conversation started, but he said, "If we ever broke up, I don't think I would date another Asian girl...too much family drama. It's okay with your family because we've been together for so long and I know them and all, but I don't think I could go through it again. Would you date a Korean guy?" And I said, "...yeah, probably...just to see what it's like." Then he said, "Well, that would make your dad very happy."

I guess it's good that we can have a conversation like that without it ending in tragedy, but still. I felt a wee bit weird after that conversation. I know my family is really dysfunctional, but is it THAT bad? Okay, nevermind...it's that bad.

PS: He'll not only be Korean, but he'll be a Korean that plays cello. And he'll play for me every night, damnit.

Where has the time gone? I can't believe I'm already 24. Next year, I'll be 25. As Andrew so lovingly put it the other day, I'll "be a quarter of a century old!" I honestly don't feel that old. It's like someone snapped their fingers and time shifted to 10 years later. I don't feel like all that time's passed at all, but if I think back, I do have a lot of memories.
I just found out that ANOTHER friend of mine from high school is getting married. That's like, 12 people in the past two years who've either gotten married or engaged. Everything is changing, and it's unreal. I don't like it, and I demand that it stop right now, damnit.